Today I went bye byes with the momma and the Tracie for the very last time. 

Momma says I have something called cancer, and her eyes leak when she says it. All I know is I lost a toe nail, from my back foot this time, and blood keeps pouring out of the place my toenail was. No matter how much I lick it, the blood keeps coming, it's swollen like a buzzy stung me, and it hurts like it's on fire. I try not to let the momma see how much it hurts me, ‘cause it makes her sad, but I think she knows. My brothers, Connor and O'Maille, keep coming up to me where I lay in my chair  to give me kisses, and sniff my foot. They know I'm hurting. 

I chased a bunny a couple of days ago. I ran as fast as I did as a puppy when I was running with my mom and dad. I ran so fast that I out ran the pain and my toe didn't hurt for a moment, then I stopped running, and the pain caught up with me. I can't do that anymore. I miss my mom and dad, and Bella. Bella took care of us, me and my littermates, before everyone went to different homes. She's been gone a long time now, most of my life. She's gone over the bridge with Andy, Grainne, my mom and my dad, my whole pack. When did my pack become these two loud boys?! When did I get old? I was the baby!

Momma came to get me to go bye byes. I don't like going in the car, but something is different this time. Even though my toe hurts, I get in the car for her. While we drive, I sit on the back bench and stare out the window at all the cars and trees. The Tracie is driving the car, I think the momma is crying, but I can't see her, so I'm not sure. We are moving for a long time, when we stop, I think we're at the vet. But, the momma doesn't make me get out. Instead, she gets in the back and sits on the bench with me. I lay my head in her lap and she pets me and tells me how much she loves me. The Tracie comes and sits on the floor in front of me and momma. She's talking to me too, telling me what a good girl I am. The momma and the Tracie both are crying and blowing their noses.

After awhile, the vet lady comes out, but she doesn't make me move either. She just pets me. I feel a little pinch, like a flea bite, but it goes away fast. The vet lady leaves, and the momma keeps petting me and kissing my head and nose. I start to get sleepy. I fight to keep my eyes open, but momma petting me feels so good, and I'm so tired. 

The Tracie tells me it's okay to go to sleep. She says that when I wake up, I'll be young again. That I won't hurt anymore. That I'll get to see my pack. The momma and the Tracie start telling me about other members of the pack I'll get to meet. I can hear them crying again, but the sleepiness feels so good, and the bench is soft. I can feel my eyes closing.

After a little while, when I am almost sleeping, I smell the vet lady again, and feel a sharp prick in my leg. The momma is petting me more now, and the world is getting misty. I hear the momma and the Tracie telling me that it's okay to go. As their voices get softer, and the back of the car starts to fade, I start seeing bright colors through my eyelids.

I smell my pack! I open my eyes and stretch. I’m not laying in the car anymore. I'm standing on a path of bright, shining colors. I can still see the momma and the Tracie far away from me, but they're faint, like a dream. The colors are calling me. A warm breeze blows through my fur, bringing the smell of my pack, and so many others animals, just at the end of the path. Is this the rainbow bridge?  I step forward and wince, expecting my toe to hurt, but it doesn't. Is that my mom and dad?! I run forward over the bridge, barking and howling for joy. It IS my pack! All of them, mom, dad, Bella, Andy, even the cats Leah and Amy! There are so many dogs and kitties that I’ve never met before, but I somehow know that they are ALL my pack. There's a Rottie next to Bella, with kind brown eyes. He comes and licks my head, and I know his name is Tod. He introduces me to all of my new pack mates, and we start a game of tag, my dad and I are faster than any of them, even the Great Danes..

I am laying, panting in the grass, curled up with a fuzzy puppy named Max, when I remember the momma and the Tracie. I jump up. I HAVE to go back. I can't leave them! I race towards the bridge, but my dad stops me. He licks my ear, and tells me that I can't go back. That the momma let me go over the bridge so I wouldn't hurt any more, and that I can watch over her, and love her, but this is my home now. 

I wish I could tell her that I'm okay. That I don't hurt any more. That I can chase squirrels again. That all of her pack is here, together, waiting for her, and that someday we will all be together again. I hope that Connor and O'Maille will take care of her. This is the first time since the day I was born that I have been away from the momma, I miss her, but I feel good! My eyes are clear, my toe doesn't hurt, and I can run like the wind without getting tired.

I look over the bridge again, and see the momma and the Tracie home with the boys. Connor is crying and looking for me, O'Maille keeps sniffing the blood spots I left behind, like he can find me that way. I'll have to try and get a message to them somehow. I know they will be sad, but the momma and the Tracie will take care of them, and give them all my love. I will miss them, but I know they will be okay. I send them my love on the wind, and hope they don't come join me for many years.

Thank you momma. Thank you for always loving me. Thank you for taking care of me, and feeding me my favorite foods. Thank you for trying to make me feel better, no matter what you had to do, and thank you for letting me go, even though you wanted to hold on. Most of all, thank you for holding me and petting me, and not letting me go on this last trip bye bye alone.